


You built those walls to keep you safe

by redlipsredledger



Series: Are you lost without me too? [3]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Awesome Sharon Carter (Marvel), BAMF Sharon Carter (Marvel), Bucky Barnes Recovering, Building trust, F/M, Hurt Steve Rogers, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Natasha & Bucky's past, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Sharon Carter, Protective Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Spies on the run, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson Friendship, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, part of a series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:22:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22424770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redlipsredledger/pseuds/redlipsredledger
Summary: Sharon Carter knows all too well that braving hell for someone isn't a new thing in her family but agreeing to hunt down an international assassin and save him might be the most reckless thing anyone has done for generations.[This is the start of Steve & Sharon's part]
Relationships: Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers
Series: Are you lost without me too? [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607218
Comments: 8
Kudos: 17





	1. How can I be a hero?

She glanced toward him with her lips pressed into a tight line; he had been sat there now for the better part of an hour just staring out into absolutely nothing with his hands clasped in front of him and he occasionally squeezed them together tighter or ran one over the top of the other but ultimately, he resumed the same posture in the end. Sharon released a sigh and she stepped forward to place her hand on his shoulder. She squeezed it lightly but for a long moment, she didn't speak.

At least not until he did.

"I just-"

Blue troubled eyes moved to look at her, he placed his hand on top of hers and he let a small sigh break his lips, her brow furrowed then as she studied him. He looked so lost and she knew that his world had just come crashing down around him. She wished she had the words to offer even the slightest bit of comfort but she didn't. There was nothing she could do to help him with any of this or make it right but she could be there and she would be.

She was resolute on that no matter how many times he told her she didn't have to be.

"Are you going to come inside?" She asked eventually.

Steve looked contemplative for a moment. He was halfway between shaking his head and saying no and agreeing to come inside; it was a brisk night and it was going to start to rain soon and they had to leave early in the morning. She'd brought them to stay at her mothers place for the night, her mother was out of town visiting her sister anyway so she wouldn't mind all that much. Sharon had called and checked with her anyway. 

Settling on an answer, Steve offered her a small smile and nodded as he rose to his feet. He stood before her now and she looked so petite compared to him, he couldn't help but smile. Sharon was one of the most well trained and least helpless people that he knew and yet she looked so small and innocuous.

Her and Natasha both.

"Is there any news about anyone else?" Steve sounded worried, Sharon reached up to place her hand on his cheek.

"Maria called, she made it out okay. She's getting help from Stark." Not that Sharon was sure why, she looked somewhat puzzled as she spoke.

She'd never particularly understood Tony Stark as a person but she knew that he was one of those people that had a legacy to his name just like she did and one of those people that was trying to forge their own path through that legacy just as she was. She could relate to him but he had the opposite end of it to her, her name didn't make people automatically associate it with money and power like his did. She was glad for that at the very least, still Tony appeared to be a decent person.

Her aunt Peggy had often told her that Howard Stark was too.

He nodded his head at that. He seemed somewhat happy about that, Steve had always quite liked Maria. He didn't want her in any danger, she'd been one of the few that hadn't immediately treat him like he was a weapon that could be harnessed or as if he were made of glass and he needed wrapping in a bubble and he truly appreciated that. 

"Anyone else?" He asked quietly.

Sharon automatically knew who he was talking about, he was asking about Natasha. He hadn't seen her since the day that she'd given him the file on Bucky and given him a warning that it might not be a path he wanted to follow, she wasn't surprised that he was worried about his friend. She had asked Maria for good measure though if she had any news on anyone else, she'd told her a little about some people but not nearly as much as she might have liked.

"Natasha isn't in the country anymore, neither is Barton. Banner appears to be safe enough, SHIELD didn't hold files on him because there was nothing _to_ hold." She spoke softly.

"That's good." Steve nodded as he spoke. Naturally he was worried particularly about Natasha and where she might have gone but then again he knew better than to think anyone would know more than she wanted them to know.

Natasha would always guard her secrets closely and it was a fact that he'd learned about her a long time ago. No one would know anything about her until she wanted them to if she did at all. For all he knew, she could choose to disappear and never resurface. That thought saddened him though, he'd like to think that she valued his friendship more than that. 

"Does anyone know where Barton went?" There was a solid chance that sooner or later Natasha would find Clint.

Steve knew how close the two of them were, it might be a good lead if ever he needed to follow one in order to find her. Sharon shook her head though and offered him an apologetic look.

"No." She sighed gently. "He's with Bobbi, that's all Maria knew."

Steve frowned then as he mulled over his interactions with Clint Barton and never once had he mentioned someone by that name, then again Clint being a spy kept everything close too. His brow furrowed nonetheless, Sharon noted his expression and a gentle laugh broke her lips.

"She's his ex wife." Sharon explained. "They're friends, and... A lot of other things depending on the day." 

She rolled her eyes then, that was a complicated mess that she didn't want to keep up with but she knew Bobbi quite well, the two of them had trained together and a few of Sharon's earlier missions had been with Bobbi Morse as her partner. She was glad for that, she was glad to have someone so skilled to have her back and so she knew if Barton was out there with her there was a solid chance he was alive and probably well... Depending on how much he'd annoyed Bobbi by this point.

Steve's frown didn't abate even slightly, in fact now it had become a look of utter confusion. Sharon shivered slightly in the nights breeze and Steve pulled her into a hug for a moment before he stepped back.

"Sam was complaining we couldn't order takeout so I made pizza and some brownies for after, brownies and ice cream is amazing." The blonde spy smiled then.

Steve let out a gentle laugh. He'd known already that she could cook very well, she'd offered to do it for him enough times before all of this. Still, he looked at her and he felt bad for dragging her into all of this to begin with, she'd deserved far better. This wasn't her fight, it wasn't even Sams fight. It was his job to find his best friend and bring him home again but the two of them had vowed they were standing by him and that he wasn't going to do any of this alone.

A part of him was thankful for that but he still felt guilty. He had no idea what was to come nor what dangers they'd face in their insistence to help him. What if he couldn't keep them safe? What if something happened to them and it was all his fault? She could read the expression on his face and her expression softened considerably in response, she took his hand in hers.

"Lets go inside." with that, she moved and tugged him along with her. 

She wasn't going to let him sit out here all night worrying himself into a frenzy, she knew that he had enough going on with him and enough racing through his mind that would cause him an untold amount of stress and damage especially if he was left to dwell on it. It would do him no good at all. He didn't deserve to be left to become more and more lost by the second to all consuming thoughts while he talked himself out of letting them come with him, not that either her or Sam would let that work. He was stuck with them and both of them weren't going to change their minds about that.

Steve found himself wondering what he'd done to deserve her gentleness and her loyalty but he was glad to have it.

* * *

By midday the day after they were on a private plane headed toward Bavaria where they'd then go to Augsburg. Natasha had set up a meeting with a contact there before she'd disappeared that had some information Steve needed on Bucky and on the HYDRA assholes that had turned him into what he was. Sharon sat on the plane with her legs curled up and a book in her hands as she read idly through the words though she took none of it in.

Her eyes kept flicking to Steve the whole time who was quite literally on the edge of his seat and looking uncomfortable and antsy at best. His leg bounced as he repeatedly glanced at the watch on his wrist. He was one of the few people she knew that still wore one. She had one true enough but that had been her grandma's and she kept it out of sentimentality more than functionality. She found it quite adorable.

Sam glanced at her as he noted the way she watched Steve and he offered her a small smile that told her he understood her concern and that he was worried himself. He wasn't sure how the heck any of them had gone from their relatively standard lives to being on the run from SHIELD looking for a famed international assassin so that they could try to remind him that there was a person underneath it all. 

He was still somewhat sore about that whole _trying to kill me_ thing. No one could blame him for that.

"How much longer?" Steve spoke, his blue orbs flicking to the blonde.

She breathed out a slow sigh.

"Maybe 25 minutes?" She replied. "We should go over Natasha's information one more time in case we missed anything we may need to know about this contact of hers."

It wasn't that she didn't trust Romanov, she didn't know her well enough to have an opinion one way or another but she didn't want any of them to get hurt. She didn't want this to wind up being a fire fight or for any of them to wind up inadvertently crossing more people that they probably shouldn't. They were already in enough trouble but she knew just how important this was to Steve so the trouble was worth it. She cared for him. Steve nodded in agreement and he moved to sit beside her.

Sam moved to Steve's seat opposite the other two and the three of them scanned the information, Sharon had purposely removed the pictures from the file because she didn't want it to cause Steve further distress. It literally seemed as though they'd learned everything they could from the file which she could see frustrated Steve but there was nothing he could do about it which bothered him all the more. There seemed to be a lot about this that made him feel helpless and she knew he didn't like it.

None of them did.

"We're gonna find him." She spoke gently. "I promise. We'll find him and we'll fix it."

They had to, the other option wasn't worth thinking about. Steve would be lost forever to his grief if they couldn't save his best friend. He blamed himself for what happened to him out there and what he'd been turned into since then and she could see why he did but it _wasn't_ his fault and she'd tell him that every time he said it was. He didn't do it. He didn't know what was going to happen and Steve himself had been frozen not long after.

There was literally nothing anyone could do.

"Thank you for doing this." He smiled at her before he glanced at Sam. "Both of you."

"Hey any time." Sam replied offering his friend a smile.

Sharon appreciated the comfort he was offering.

"We're here for you." She placed her hand on Steve's leg as she spoke. "We're not going to let you go into this alone."

Steve already knew that though, his ever extending family was just as stubborn and determined as Bucky was and while the thought brought him pain it also offered him comfort to know that they'd have his back and that they'd help him bring someone home that neither of them really knew. He knew that he was about to go into a world that he couldn't possibly understand and having people there with him offered him a sort of bravery and a strength that he couldn't explain.

If they were really going into the mouth of hell, at least they weren't going alone.


	2. You're feeling isolated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From Bavaria to Poland, it becomes quite clear quickly that this is going to be one heck of a journey for all of them but when - and how - will it end? With so much uncertainty and nothing to hold onto but one another, Steve and Sharon are forced to come to terms with the fact that this new and uncertain life of theirs is only starting to show its complexities and it could get a whole heck of a lot worse.

She learned quickly that Steve was an anxious traveler or maybe it was because he had been anxious about their end destination. By the time they arrived, he'd been fidgety and unable to stay still and she'd watched him with concerned blue eyes. She'd watched Sam as he tried to talk him down but nothing seemed to work. She'd tried herself too. She could see why he was so anxious though. She knew how important his friend was.

He'd regaled them both with many a story, most of which were accompanied by smiles but others were accompanied by that flash of pain that he tried to hide or brush off but it didn't _quite_ work and she'd reached out to comfort him though she'd been able to do little but place her hand on his shoulder, offer him a hug or reassure him that he wasn't alone anymore and she hoped that would be enough. Steve was a good man.

She'd known that even before she got to know him. 

She could tell though during their talk with Natasha's contact that he wasn't used to speaking with people from that world because he asked one question after another in rapidfire succession and quite a few times she had to touch his shoulder to remind him that he needed to slow down and process the information he was being provided. She understood he wanted to know everything but the man didn't have every single answer Steve sought and both of them grew frustrated with that quickly.

It was something that would help neither of them. Steve wanted answers and the man was doing his best to provide as many as he could but Steve's growing frustrations when he couldn't answer absolutely everything would just result in more issues. She'd guided the conversation as best as she could. The man had informed them that Barnes was moved all over the world during his time with HYDRA which wasn't new information - cue the start of Steve's frustrations - and that he'd left very little trail to follow at all.

Unless you knew how to look for a trail anyway.

People like them were hard to find if they didn't want to be found, people like Bucky and Natasha... When they wanted to disappear they could better than anyone else could but there was always small clues, the human part of them left something subconsciously most of the time simply because they were connecting the dots inside of their mind tracing their way slowly back to who they used to be and that was how this man - with Natasha's help but he left that part out - was able to get a decent lead on Bucky Barnes.

The trail had led their contact to believe that Bucky was in Kraków, Poland.

It made sense to Steve, they'd been in the city during the war. It had been something that Steve remembered now with a mixture of relief and pain. If they had a lead there was a solid chance that they could find him or at least be one step closer to doing that, if he went there there was a chance that some of his earlier memories were breaking through and that was a good sign, wasn't it? He couldn't be sure about absolutely anything and that bothered him.

This wasn't the kind of world that Steve Rogers was used to. He knew that the world of shadows and evils had existed but he'd never thought that it could touch his life like it had. He'd never thought that his best friend would have befallen such a terrible fate and he wasn't sure he'd ever stop feeling guilty about it either. He had to bring Bucky home. He had to help him.

He wasn't even sure where _Home_ was anymore but he knew that wherever they found safety, he had to bring his best friend with him and he had to help him break free of the chains placed around his soul by monsters. Monsters that Steve Rogers had thought he'd sacrificed so much to stop only to learn he hadn't.

HYDRA had controlled Captain America after all. 

He watched as Sharon thanked their contact and told him that she'd be sure to contact Natasha and let her know that his debt was now paid and the man nodded thankfully for that. Owing Natasha Romanov a debt was not something many wanted but this man had for over a decade now and he was glad to be free of that debt.

It meant more travel though which was something that seemed to set Steve further on edge. She could see that he wanted all of this to be over so that he could finally save his best friend the way that he thought he should've all those years ago but none of this was his fault. They'd opted for the train this time around because it was a whole hell of a lot easier than finding someone willing to fly them there and it'd give Steve the chance to wind down.

Or so she hoped.

Sitting beside him in the train carriage, she placed one hand on his cheek and a gentle smile touched her features.

"Hey, look at me." 

He turned and he smiled, it was the kind of smile that had a gentle blush touch her cheeks; she studied him with worried eyes that held his gaze so that she could try to make sure he was holding up about as well as he could be given the circumstances but she knew it'd be hard on him. It was impossible for it _not_ to be hard on him. He was going through hell right now and she couldn't even begin to understand the cloud of guilt and pain he was living under but she could make sure he didn't go through it alone.

She found herself glad Sam was asleep.

"We're going to find him and bring him home, Steve." She murmured with a soft determination to her tone.

She knew as long as he could breathe, Steve would never give up on his best friend and she cared far too much to give up on Steve and so she'd fight with him to the ends of the earth to bring his best friend home if that's what it took but if anyone could do it, Steve could. He had such a good heart, a strong sense of goodness and a sense of noble determination that she found admirable. 

"I know, thank you." He sounded uncertain as he spoke.

He leaned forward, his forehead against hers and the end of his nose bumped hers. His blue eyes closed as one hand moved to her cheek to gently caress the soft skin. He wasn't used to being this close to anyone. He hadn't been this close to anyone in a hell of a long time and even then it was a highly limited experience but there were no words for how thankful he was to have Sharon Carter there by his side through all of this. She and Sam were determined to fight for a man they didn't even know for his sake.

How could he even begin to thank them enough for that?

"We'll make it right." She whispered. They had to, there was no other choice.

They had to make it right because Bucky Barnes could not remain lost to the abyss forever, Steve would never ever recover from it if he did and she couldn't stand to see the pain etched on his features if there was absolutely any hope at all that they could fix it and make it right again. Steve was never going to give up fighting for his best friend and in that moment she realised she'd never give up either because Steve mattered to her.

She chewed gently on her bottom lip.

His hand slid from her cheek to tilt her chin up slightly, his eyes opened and he offered her just the smallest hint of a smile before he placed a gentle kiss against her lips, as he moved back they sat very much the same as they had just moments before. A soft smile touched Sharon's lips.

"I'm sorry if that wasn't-" Steve sounded nervous.

A gentle laugh broke the blonde agents lips.

"No, it was good, you're good." She cared so very deeply for him.

Ah, life made for strange experiences indeed but at least this was one that she was riding out for the sake of someone she cared for. If over the next few days they threw themselves into the fire over and over again she didn't mind at all as long as the end result was him getting his best friend back.

* * *

By the end of their travels, the three of them were glad to check into their hotel simply so that they could eat something, get a hot shower and a good nights sleep not to mention food, Steve's metabolism was absolutely amazing and Sam she was pretty convinced just ate because he was bored. They found themselves for a good two or three hours going over possible locations and decided that come tomorrow they'd check a few of the places Steve had known they'd visited during the War.

She could tell that he was hoping that he'd wind up being right but she didn't have the heart to tell him he shouldn't get his hopes up _too_ much otherwise he'd end up upsetting himself if it didn't pan out and she had always hated to see the look of pain and disappointment on his face. She knew how badly he wanted this to be an easy thing but she knew it wouldn't be. Nothing like this was ever going to be anywhere close to easy.

This was the world of darkness and shadows and monsters and assassins and there was no part of that that was even remotely simple no matter what anyone would hope otherwise. Steve - while being a good man - seemed to underestimate some of the complexities of this world. It wasn't his fault really, he wasn't a soul that belonged in the darkness. He still held to a lot of positive ideals and she admired him for that. The world hadn't yet corrupted completely his good heart.

That was good. The world still needed that.

Come around midnight, he retreated out onto the fire escape of the hotel and he seemed to just be watching the city around him, she felt quite content to leave him to it for close to an hour before deciding to go and see if he needed anything and so, she climbed out of the window and sat wordlessly down beside him just allowing her eyes to study the city around them. It was beautiful here she had to admit that much. 

"You don't have to sit here with me you know." Steve spoke eventually, his eyes flicked toward her.

"I know. I was just worried." She admitted softly.

"I appreciate it but really, I'm okay." He sounded far less certain than she was sure he would've liked.

He pulled her into a hug anyway.

"You have to be prepared for the fact that this might not be the end of our journey, Steve." She spoke after a few moments silence.

She felt him breathe out a sigh and in that moment she truly felt terrible. She wished she could offer him reassurance that tomorrow they'd find his best friend and all would be well from that moment on but this life was never going to be that simple no matter how much they might want it to be. This life was always going to be complicated and hell at its very highest level. This life was always going to throw curveballs you didn't see coming and she didn't like to be unprepared. Ever.

"But we might find him, right?" Steve replied quietly.

She nodded her head anyway though she knew it was unlikely that if they found Bucky, it would be the version of him Steve was hoping for. She wished she could convey that thought without sounding like she was trying to quell whatever hope he had because she truly wasn't. She wanted him to have hope. She wanted him to hold onto that hope but she also needed him to know that this might be a battle none of them would understand just yet.

Not even she'd gone this deep into the darkest sides of this world before.

"We might but he's going to need a lot of help, Steve." She spoke carefully.

The very last thing in the world she wanted to do was upset him or make him feel like she wasn't on his side because she was and that was exactly why she was saying it. They needed to be prepared for the fact that they might not find what he wanted to find but still find the person in their physical form.

Well, that was a confusing thought. She wrinkled her nose as she mulled through it and she shook her head gently. 

"We need to be prepared for whatever happens." The very last thing that she wanted was for it to become a conflict again.

She didn't want Steve to get hurt. She didn't want this to end up with gunshots and police and all kinds of problems that none of them needed. She truly, truly hoped that there was nothing more that was going to go _that_ wrong but her training told her that she needed to be prepared for everything.

"I know. I know I just- I want him to be okay. All of this is my fault Sharon." Steve sounded heartbroken as he spoke.

Her expression softened and she leaned into him, wrapping her arms around him in order to try to offer him whatever comfort she could though she had no idea what he was going through, how could she? How could she _possibly_ comprehend the pain he was going through after learning what he had? She'd be there no matter what, but she knew that patronising him and saying she understood it when she didn't was unfair and she wouldn't do that.

He deserved better.

"It isn't your fault, Steve." She replied, shaking her head gently. "I know you feel like you it is but I promise, it isn't your fault."

How could it _possibly_ be his fault? He'd believed Bucky to be dead, he hadn't handed him over to HYDRA for them to do what they'd done to him and he'd lost his own life for decades not all that long after so it wasn't like he could've fought and looked for his best friend. Steve Rogers was not to blame for any of this.

"I won't give up on him." He sounded resolute as he spoke.

She turned her eyes up to look at him and she smiled. Her hand entwined with his and she squeezed it.

"I know, neither will I." Sharon replied, this wasn't a battle Steve would face alone.

He studied her as she spoke, a fondness swept across his features and it was almost like in that moment, Steve Rogers realised that he could lean on someone else for strength when his own faltered and that he could trust her and Sam alike to help him through this. They'd started down the right path but this was - and she'd said - just the start of that path and there was no way it was going to be a simple one. Sharon was right, it wasn't going to be anywhere near as simple as he might want it to be.

He had to hope that he could just reach through to his best friend but there really was very little chance of it being that simple no matter how much he might want it to be. Bucky was going to be saved and that much was absolutely certain but how much of a battle that was was yet to be determined.

"We should go and get some sleep." He spoke and she breathed out a sigh.

She could do nothing but nod as he placed a kiss against the side of her head before standing up and offering a hand to help her to her feet. Tomorrow they had no idea what they were going to face but for tonight at least, a little rest might do them all some good. If tomorrow they were going to walk into what could potentially be a trap or a fight no one wanted they couldn't very well do any of it exhausted.

"I'll be right by your side I promise." Sharon took his hand and she stood up.

His hand brushed her cheek and in that moment, he looked calm. Calmer than she'd seen him in weeks now.

"I know, there's no one I'd rather have there."

If Steve Rogers was going to march into hell, Sam and Sharon were the perfect people to have at his side while he did so. Natasha had started them down this path but it was his choice to continue it and theirs to walk it with him and he could never thank them enough.


	3. We were just children playing soldiers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's pleas to Bucky may very well end up costing them more than either of them are willing to pay but at least he's managed to find him which is the first progress he's made in over a month... If he can persuade him to come with him anyway.

Kraków, Poland.

It was a beautiful city and Sharon found herself taking a moment to appreciate that despite what they were here for. She was terrified of what they might find if she was going to be honest. She'd seen what this man was capable of. She'd seen the destruction and she'd been in that control room with a gun to the head of someone that she'd worked with for years now all because the corruption inside of the very organisation she'd sworn allegiance to ran deep.

It cut deeper though if she was going to be honest with herself. 

She knew that Steve trusted this man and trusted that there was something inside of him that could be reached and so despite her worries, she was willing to put her faith in Steve because if he believed it so strongly she owed it to him to stand by him during that and support him. Supporting someone you cared for was all you could do. She'd fight by his side because she knew that he was a _good_ man and he deserved people that recognised that around him.

Steve seemed restless, she watched as Sam walked over and placed a strong, reassuring hand on his shoulder. Sam had been through the whole ordeal with him and he knew what Steve was about to face better than Sharon herself did. She remained sat down perusing through the files that they'd been given as she tried to learn something - anything really - that'd give her a clue into any trackable behavior this guy had or anything notable that they should avoid doing or even the best ways to counteract him.

The footage from SHIELD had been observed with careful eyes for a good few hours before they'd left DC and come all the way to Eastern Europe. She found herself wondering quite naturally where they'd even go if they managed to get him to come in with them. It wasn't as though anywhere back in the US was safe and she didn't know anywhere out here well enough to say it was safe. She was probably worried about that more than anything else.

She trusted that Steve could reach through to his friend and he had her and Sam here as backup if he needed it. 

She could see the determination in his eyes and the passion he had toward helping his friend but it was accompanied by a guilt so great that she feared he'd lose himself to it and all she was able to do was offer him reassurances and support and that made her feel more useless than almost anything else ever had. She wasn't used to feeling helpless, she was an agent she was used to being able to control the situation in any way she could but they were out in the cold now.

They were literally working off of whims and loose leads that could very well lead them down roads that were more dangerous than any of them could ever understand. She hoped that wouldn't be the case though, she hoped that no one out here in the cold now would face a danger that would ultimately cost them their lives and she knew that Steve feared that too. His team were out in the cold now too. Romanoff and Barton were both off the grid which was something he wasn't comfortable with.

Steve and Natasha had become quite close friends and she knew Steve worried for Natasha. She'd told him though if he needed to contact her to do so via Barton who'd left them coordinates for somewhere safe to go if they needed it and they may very well need just that when all of this had come full circle. She knew going immediately back to the USA wasn't an option, Barnes was a wanted man for everything that he'd done.

Steve had gone rogue and so had the rest of them so they were in trouble all of their own making but she hoped like hell that it was going to be worth it. 

"We should head out soon." Steve's voice pulled her from her thoughts.

She looked up at him and offered him a smile, nodding her head in agreement. They'd already agreed that she and Sam would wait in the car while Steve went into the building to talk to his best friend if at all he was still there, she could tell that Steve was hoping like hell he was so that he could finally find him and help him. It was so important to Steve Rogers that it had become equally as important to she and Sam, too.

"Of course." Sharon released a deep breath to center herself and she rose from her seat.

Sam glanced toward her and she nodded as he asked her if she was okay. She was okay, at least she would more or less be okay if all of this went well. She wasn't willing to consider the alternative, she wasn't willing to consider the thought that Steve might get hurt out there or even killed by someone that he was trying to save, it seemed like such a horrible thing to consider. Steve deserved better than to meet his end at the hands of a man that he'd grown up with...

Though she knew Steve, he'd gladly die for his friend if that was what it took to bring him out of the programming forced into his head by HYDRA. The Winter Soldier, world renowned assassin was James Buchanan Barnes, his best friend and his fellow soldier and that was still something she knew Steve was struggling with. It was hard for him to put the two opposing natures inside of the images and memories he had of the same person.

There were two sides to Bucky Barnes and one Steve would never be able to understand fully.

"It's gonna be okay." She spoke gently as she glanced toward Steve.

"I hope you're right." He replied with a sigh. "I need to help him. I have to- I can't just leave him out there alone."

"And you won't. _We_ won't. We'll do everything we can." 

Steve smiled then as he made his way over to her and pulled her into a hug.

"And I appreciate that more than you'll know." 

"Alright love birds can we keep it brief? We have a mission." Sam interjected playfully.

Both of them turned toward him and rolled their eyes before they laughed. 

"Okay, lets go." With a nod, he pulled away and made his way toward the door.

Sharon and Sam looked at one another for a moment before they followed him out. None of them knew what they were going to face, not a single one of them knew exactly which side of this man Steve was going to run into if he found him at all and that was what was making her so nervous not that she was willing to say anything about it for fear of distracting him more but she did know one thing for sure: No matter what Steve ran into out there, he wasn't alone.

* * *

The building - from the outside - looked like nothing more than a rundown apartment building, the kind where anonymous people lived and the kind that law enforcement would seldom visit unless they absolutely had to. It was the kind of place that would be inhabited by people that the rest of society wanted to ignore so it made sense that he'd live in a place like this. No one even so much as paid attention to one another in places like this.

Steve kept a comms piece in his ear as he made his way inside of the building and she and Sam sat outside in the car though she was far too nervous to really speak. There was a sort of tension that hung in the air as both of them merely listened in silence. 

By the time he'd reached the third floor, Steve could feel his nerves growing by the second and a part of him - momentarily - wished that he'd asked Sharon or Sam to come in with him though he knew it'd serve him better to do it alone. He reached the apartment two doors from the very bottom of the corridor and he raised his hand to knock against the wood, inhaling a deep breath as he heard a shuffle from inside.

"Buck? It's Steve..." If Bucky Barnes even remembered who he was, he hoped he'd open the door.

If not, he'd probably run and he'd be back to square one. He heard footsteps, it sounded like whomever resided inside was pacing. Steve reached for the handle and just held it for a good 20 or 30 seconds before he opened the door and watched the man bolt immediately toward the window, Steve stepped inside with both hands in the air to show that he meant no harm at all. 

"It's okay, it's alright. It's just me." He was hoping his friend recognised him. "Bucky I'm here to help." 

Barnes's blue eyes squinted as he studied Steve. He held his grip on the window frame ready to jump out of it at any second. He looked between Steve and the window and Steve could tell he was weighing up his options, he knew that he'd be able to make the jump unscathed but Steve hoped he wouldn't do it. 

"Why are you here?" Barnes sounded like he was in pain as he spoke. "You shouldn't be here."

Steve released a sigh as he studied him and he shook his head, he didn't make another movement though for fear of spooking his best friend more than he already was. Natasha had warned him about the suffering Bucky would be going through with his mind. It'd take him time to remember everything or anything at all and that was if he ever would again. None of them could ever be sure. 

"I wanna help you. I wanna get you someplace safe and help you figure all of this out."

Barnes's head snapped up properly and he shook his head. 

"You can't help me." He replied bitterly. "No one can help me."

It broke a part of him to hear his best friend say those words with the amount of conviction he held when he said them, Steve shook his head defiantly though. He didn't believe for even a second that no one could help him, he didn't believe for even a second that he was gone beyond any salvation. 

"We can. _I_ can if you just trust me." He implored. "I can help you, Bucky."

Bucky had been the one person in Steve's life that had ever ever deserted him or turned his back on him, he was the person willing to give him a place to go when his mother had died, he'd been the person that spoke as his voice of reason, the person that had been his biggest reassurance and his most valiant supporter and Steve would always, always return that favor. He'd never turn his back on his best friend.

"Bucky please, you know me. You _know_ I won't hurt you." Steve did take a step forward then. Just one. Just one small step but he still held his hands up.

Bucky unconsciously took another step toward the window. His hand remained on the frame and his head felt like it was splitting clean in two but this man was right, he knew he wouldn't hurt him and while he couldn't work out exactly why he knew it he knew that he did and a part of him fought desperately from some quiet distant corner of his mind to convince him that he should trust him and that he should let him help. 

"You can't help me." He repeated. "You'll just end up in danger too."

Steve knew he was probably right but the truth was that he didn't care. He didn't care about the danger that he'd face if it meant that he could save his best friend from being out here in the cold on his own. Bucky Barnes did not deserve his lonely, hunted isolation and Steve Rogers was a better man than that. He'd never leave his best friend to suffer that alone.

"I'm with you til the end of the line." Steve spoke.

Bucky's brow furrowed as he listened to the words. He'd heard it before, it pierced through the veil to a part of him that had been dormant for such a long time now and his expression softened and became slightly less distrustful. 

"I can't- I- Who are you? Why are you trying to help me?" Bucky knew the answers. He knew but he needed him to say it.

"It's me, Buck. It's Steve. I've been your best friend since we were just dumb kids and I'll never turn my back on you, not ever." It was a promise he intended to keep no matter what.

"I remember little pieces but it's all broken up." Bucky replied finally taking a step away from the window.

Steve's shoulders sagged in relief. He was starting to worry he'd have to chase him out of the damn thing if he'd chosen to jump and run and he'd prefer it if that didn't happen.

"I know, I know and I'll help you I promise. We'll figure it out." They had to. They had to figure it all out because the alternative wasn't worth thinking about.

His best friend could _not_ be gone forever. That was never going to be an option. He heard the comms device crackle in his ear.

"Steve we have company. Three SUV's and a van." Sharon's voice broke through their conversation.

Steve glanced out of the window to the left of him. Okay, that was bad. The sound of opening and then slamming doors had Bucky's attention on the outside of the building again now too and his eyes widened. 

"Bucky wait! Please! Let me help you get out of here, there's a car outside. I can get you someplace safe." Not even Bucky could take out all of these men alone.

He watched as Bucky mulled over it almost as though he was starting to figure that out himself but he could see it in his eyes that he was defiantly willing to try anyway. Steve knew that he'd rather die than go back there, Natasha had warned him about that mentality too though he had no idea how she knew so much. It just added to the number of things that he didn't know about Natasha Romanoff that would probably remain forever unanswered.

"Too late." Bucky whispered as he reached for the gun behind him. 

No, Steve shook his head in a definite No. It wasn't too late and it wouldn't _be_ too late until the both of them were dead and that wasn't going to happen here today. That wasn't going to happen any time soon, not if he could help it anyway. 

"We don't go down here. This isn't how this finishes, let me help you. _Trust_ me." He needed him to trust him. 

Footsteps behind him caused Steve to whirl around and dive out of the way of a hail of bullets that came his way and he looked toward Bucky who frowned as Steve refused to accept the gun he offered. Pulling the Shield off of his back, Steve hurled it toward the approaching men knocking the first four clean on their asses before it came back to him and he dived forward to knock Bucky out of the way. The noise made his ears ring and the wall above them exploded in a hail of dust.

"We need to get out of here." Bucky grunted as he shoved himself up so that he was sat with his back against the breakfast bar, he leaned to shoot around it.

Steve nodded, hurling his shield over the top of it and he knocked down their would-be attackers before it flew back to him once again and he hopped immediately to his feet and offered his hand out to his best friend. He knew that they didn't have long before there was a second wave and so did Bucky. The people in here already weren't dead which bothered him more than he wanted to admit. Bucky would've rather they were dead but Steve was a better man.

"Lets go." Bucky sighed as he took Steve's offered hand and stood up.

This time, Steve wasn't so bothered when he threw himself toward the window and tumbled out of it far more gracefully than he'd ever thought Bucky Barnes would be capable of, it was almost effortlessly acrobatic and Steve followed far more clumsily than his best friend landing with a thud hard enough to knock the wind out of him for a few brief seconds and he hauled himself to his feet.

Gunfire rang out down the alley from the window above and with an exchanged look, he watched Bucky's eyes darken and in that moment Steve Rogers - for the first time ever - watched the modes of his best friend switch from man to Soldier in an instant and he returned fire.

Steve might have a rule where no one died if it was avoidable but it became evident fast that Bucky Barnes no longer shared that sentiment, death seemed to be an easy option for him to consider... He had changed so much from who he used to be but he wasn't gone.

He couldn't be gone.


	4. We go together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Managing to get out of their mess, Bucky Barnes finds that he has to put his life in the hands of Steve Rogers, Sharon Carter and Sam Wilson as Steve informs them that the only safe place he knows of right now relies on the word of Clint Barton...

Bucky! Steve's first thought was of the man he'd come here to save, the best friend that he'd thought dead up until just a few months ago. 

Bucky though - in obvious soldier mode - took out two men simultaneously with straight headshots that would've been impressive if it were anyone else or in a different situation, Steve though faltered as he watched it. Bucky looked far too cavalier about the fact that he'd just killed two men so casually.

Two men that - he reminded himself - were here to kill _them_ so he supposed it made it lesser somehow, a lesser evil... Natasha had taught him that sometimes it was necessary to kill but that didn't mean that he'd agree with it. He watched his best friend in full blown Soldier mode and he wondered if this was why Natasha had told him that he might not like what he found if he pulled on this particular thread, was she trying to warn him that there was a chance that the man he knew was no longer in there?

Steve didn't want to believe that. Bucky - faster than Steve thought possible - darted toward him and shoved him out of the way of a bullet and he let out a grunt; he hadn't seen it coming and it had knocked the wind out of him momentarily knocking him off balance, Steve's automatic reactions kicked in and he kicked out at the trashcan in front of him sending it into the midsection of his would be assassin. It knocked him crashing to the floor.

One down.

Barnes shot upward to the balcony above them causing Steve to spin around just as a body fell down in front of him. He wasn't sure whether to be concerned or thankful so at this point he just decided that he was glad they were both still alive. He glanced back at Bucky who had a deadset expression upon his features. 

Moving from his left, his arm swung out connecting with the jaw of another HYDRA agent and he knocked him clean to the floor, He wasn't going to kill. There was a better way than that and he intended to stick to his own _better way_ Because he couldn't stand the thought of losing who he was and everything stood for out here in the cold. There had been enough death for one day and he'd be damned if he was going to contribute toward the body count. He knew that they were trying to kill him but he didn't have to be as bad as they were.

Another was dealt with with a kick into the wall and Steve stood there glancing around trying to work out just where the next attack was coming from but he didn't really have the time to assess it for very long, breathing out a sigh as he heard the screech of tired as the car reversed rather quickly down the alleyway brought a relieved look though Bucky didn't look quite as pleased and he raised a gun ready to fire, Steve grabbed his arm and lowered it shaking his head looking almost panicked at the fact that Bucky was stood there ready to fire.

Soldier mode. Steve had to remind himself that he was in soldier mode, it wasn't anything personal.

"They're with me, it's okay." He looked at his best friend then trying to appear comforting. "They're good people."

The back door of the car opened and a distinct voice broke out telling them both to move it and get the heck in the car, Steve noted with some amusement that Sam had purposely avoided cursing. He inclined his head at Bucky who quite literally offered him the most dramatic eye roll that he'd ever seen in his life but complied anyway, very reluctantly though he could tell. 

As he got into the car, he reached his hand forward to place it on Sharon's shoulder, she placed her hand over his and he breathed out a relieved sigh as Sam drove quite literally as fast as he could away from the whole mess they'd found themselves in back there before anyone else showed up. Sharon glanced backward at Steve and she assessed him for any injuries, he could tell she was worried and it brought a gentle smile to his features.

"I'm okay." He spoke with the intent of reassuring her but he could tell that she was still concerned.

He supposed she was bound to be.

"Don't worry." He knew telling her that was pointless. "We're good. _I'm_ good."

"Who the hell are you people?!" Bucky glanced between Sam and Sharon. 

It was clear he was distrustful of every single person he was with right now Steve included. Rogers wouldn't admit it but to see it hurt like hell to know that. Once upon a time, he had been the person that James Barnes trusted more than anyone else in the world with the exception of his younger sister Rebecca. He knew that had lot since changed since then and he couldn't even begin to imagine what James had been through but that didn't make it any less painful to see. Steve released a sigh.

"This is Sharon Carter and he's Sam Wilson, they're my friends." His blue eyes moved to Bucky but his hand remained on Sharons.

At this point it was the simple fact that he needed to know that she was there and that she was safe. The very last thing he'd wanted to do was drag her into this dangerous situation but she'd told him time and time again that if he was in this then so was she; he knew that once she set her mind to something there was no use trying to dissuade her and in truth he was glad for that. Having her here where he could protect her made him feel a whole heck of a lot better than having her alone out there in the cold with a potential target on her back for her ties to him.

He cared way too much about her for that. He _Loved_ her far too much for that. 

"Friend? Ha. That's his girlfriend more like. Way to downplay it and insult the lady, Rogers." Sam muttered clearly trying to distract himself from the fact that he was hoping like hell they wouldn't attract the attention of the cops.

Sam Wilson was painfully aware that two SHIELD operatives on the run was bad enough but the Russian assassin was sure to land them in a deep dark hole someplace and the very last thing he wanted to end up being was locked up.

"You have a girlfriend?!" Bucky sounded incredulous and amused as he spoke.

That was probably the first spark he'd really felt that pointed toward who he'd been before aside from dragging Rogers out of the river that day. Maybe there really was something inside of him that was still salvageable. It could just be a passing thing but for now he'd take it if it was all he had. He had to hold onto even the smallest things if that was what it took to make him feel like he was even remotely human anymore. He wanted to believe that Steve was right and that he could fight his way back but he wasn't too sure.

Steve started at him slightly slack jawed and clearly confused. It was the first time he'd seen even a slight hint of the _real_ Bucky Barnes since... Well since before he'd thought his best friend had died out there after the whole train-thing. It was the first time he felt like he wasn't sat side by side with a HYDRA assassin but with his actual friend. Steve nodded his head, his free hand rubbed the back of his neck.

"Heh, yeah. She uh..."

Sharon let out a small laugh and she turned to look at Bucky for the first time since he'd gotten into the car with them. He looked... Different to what she'd she'd seen the last time she'd seen him. His clothing was civilian but she didn't doubt for one second that he could kill every single one of them in seconds if he chose to. She was absolutely certain that Steve and Sam were aware of that too but it remained unspoken.

"It's nice to meet you." She spoke softly to Bucky nonetheless. 

He studied her, Carter... The name was familiar but he couldn't place it and he supposed trying at this point was just going to give him more of a headache so instead, he smiled just a slight bit at her as he studied her. She was beautiful he had to admit that something inside of him was actually impressed Steve had managed to be in a relationship with someone, he'd always been- Well he wasn't sure but something told him he'd always been something.

Awkward probably. He looked like the awkward around women type.

"Yeah, you too I think." He replied dubiously. "You're getting me out of trouble so I'm gonna go with that's a good thing."

She didn't for one minute let it bother her that he seemed completely unsure whether or not he could trust her or any of them, her eyes flicked back to Steve and then Bucky once again. She was truly trying to make sure that neither of them was hurt. Gun fire tended to bring out the concern in people. The very last thing she wanted was some unknown, untreat injury causing either of them to die on them. She chewed her lip anxiously before she breathed out a sigh and shook her head at herself and turned back to look at Sam and then Steve again.

She knew she probably didn't have to worry as much as she did but the truth was that she couldn't stand to lose Steve, not after everything and she knew that he didn't want to lose his best friend either and so Bucky's wellbeing had become just as important to her.

"Where are we goin' anyway?" Sam questioned with a frown. "Because I can't drive forever. We're gonna end up needing to hold up someplace eventually."

Steve looked thoughtful and he pulled out his phone reading the message from Natasha again, a set of coordinates that she'd told him was a safe place, somewhere they could all meet up. He shrugged his shoulders. It seemed as good a bet as any. It was probably the only place he could think of right now that might even be remotely safe. He trusted Natasha, he had no reason not to and he knew that she wouldn't send him anywhere dangerous.

She'd told him that it was somewhere Clint had told her about and he knew how much Natasha trusted the archer. Steve was still unsure what to make of Barton to this day but he was a good guy anyway. 

"I know a place. It's not gonna be easy to get to though..." And with that, Steve launched into as much of an explanation as he could manage on how he'd been told by Nat that it was someplace safe that they could all meet up and he figured that it might be their best bet.

He knew that both Sharon and Sam agreed but Bucky on the other hand looked dubious, distrustful even but eventually he'd just shaken his head and agreed to it anyway. It wasn't like they had a whole hell of a lot of other options at this point. None of his safehouses was actually going to be safe anymore and he highly doubted - as Sam had said - they could drive around forever. Sooner or later they were going to need a place to sleep, eat, shower...

A place to recuperate from everything that they'd been through over the last few weeks both in his case and theirs. He could see the tiredness in Steve and Sharon's eyes. He could read the emotion between the two of them and it almost made him smile. 

Almost.

Sharons eyes moved back toward the road as she nodded her head in agreement to Steve's plan but she felt glad when she felt his hand give hers a gentle squeeze to let her know that it was all going to be okay and that he was going to do all he could to keep them all safe, he didn't even have to physically say the words for her to know that Steve Rogers was _not_ going to let any harm come to any of them if he had a choice in the matter. He was a good man.

The best man she'd ever met in her life, she hadn't told him just yet of course but she loved him. She knew she loved him, she just didn't know if he felt the same for her just yet. She knew he cared, she knew that she was important to her but _I love you_ was a big thing to people like them so instead, she took comfort in the gentle reassurances he offered her even if they were wordless and she breathed out a content sigh.

They were all exhausted, more so than any of them wanted to admit and she hoped like hell that all of this was going to pan out well for everyone and that where they were going truly was safe but all she could do at this point was hope. None of them - she could tell - was happy with the uncertainty especially not Bucky but what else could they do? They'd all agreed it was their best chance and so they were driving as far as they could until they had to switch their mode of transportation.

She was glad at this point that she'd been trained in all conditions, the snow didn't bother her and she suspected the same could be said for Barnes but Steve and Sam might be another matter entirely. Whatever came from this point onward was nothing short of uncertainty and she found herself more nervous about that than she wanted to admit. She didn't know she didn't know Natasha or Clint all that well at all but she found herself having to put her life in their hands anyway.

Steve trusted them though and for now, that was good enough for her. Everything is gonna be okay.

She must've told herself that a million times on their drive... All she could do was hope like hell it was true.


	5. Continuation <3

Please find the continuing part [HERE](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23156086/chapters/55419751)


	6. Continuation <3

Please find the continuing part [HERE](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23156086/chapters/55419751)


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